Little Backstabs
by foreststrike
Summary: Just a bunch of on-the-spot Spy-centric and Sniper-centric one-shots. No plot whatsoever, these are not linked, each chapter is a one-shot and there are OCs like the FemClasses.
1. Chapter 1: Terri the FemSniper

Terri had resorted to curling up on the couch with her Huntsman in her lap. Her legs slumped over the armrest of the sofa and one hand lazily held her Huntsman loosely. The table was cluttered with leftover foodstuff from the previous night's victory fight over BLU. Terri shifted herself and adjusted her vest.

Outside, Scout stood glaring at the BLU base. Scout wasn't known for his stealth. He held his pistol loosely between his fingers and poked his head over the splintered wood the BLU fortress called a windowpane. He wasn't letting those stuck-up BLUs get away, even though BLU had lost. That intelligence briefcase of theirs was his. He growled. "Oh that briefcase is coming to RED and staying with RED."

Terri rolled over onto her stomach as Demo passed through. "Yo Demo," she called. The drunk Scotsman turned his head. "Wot yoo want, lassie?" he asked, his accent particularly thick. Terri smiled. "Find Scout for me?" she asked. Demo thought about it. "Yeah sure lassie." Terri watched as Demo lumbered off to find Scout for her.

Opposite her, Spy was asleep in a chair. He had drank from last night too. His shirt was unbuttoned and tie was undone around his neck. His chest rose and fell at a steady pace. Terri smiled. Curious, Terri got off her chair and sat on the armrest of Spy's chair. She leaned close to him and smiled. Terri slipped his tie off his neck and slung it around her own neck. Spy stirred a little but didn't wake up. Terri giggled softly. Terri giggled softly. She found it quite funny when Spy was all drunk and hungover and sloppy. Curiously, she poked his cheek lightly.

Spy's eyes fluttered and started to open a little bit. "Quoi? Qui est-il?"

"Qui le pensez-vous est-vous?" Terri purred. She leaned close to him. "Good morning Spy," she grinned, playing with his tie around her neck. Spy smiled lightly. "Sniper," said Spy tiredly. His eyes were more open now. Terri liked this sleepy look.

Terri placed her fingers under his chin and tilted his head up to look at her. "FemSniper," she corrected, smiling her sweet little smile. "I can see that now." He said with a little smile of his own. He liked the feeling of Terri's cool slender fingers. Terri got off the armrest of the chair. "You're such a slob when you're drunk," she commented nonchalantly, slipping his tie off her neck and hanging it on the armrest. She extended a slender hand to him. "Get up. We have a Capture the Flag game today."

Spy took her hand and got up a little unsteadily. He straightened himself out and grabbed his tie. "Another? We just had one 2 days ago. But, I digress. Another glorious day fighting BLU."

Terri blushed a bit at his accent and she turned to hide her face and smile. "Admin will never let us off. It's kinda worth the pay we're getting though," she said. Once she was certain her blush was gone, she turned back to him, smiling. Spy raised an eyebrow before returning the smile. It was warm and welcoming, unlike the malicious grin he often gave to his fallen enemies.

"Yes, fighting for Redmond. This is all a conspiracy." Spy said jokingly. He walked over to a wall. It had a BLU soldier face taped to it with Spy's butterfly knife stuck in the forehead. He pulled it out and twirled it with smooth suddenly paused. "Eh..." she turned and headed back to the couch, grabbing her forgotten Huntsman and her stash of arrows. She returned to Spy, blushing. "Sorry 'bout that," she said.

"About what?" Spy asked curiously. Obviously he didn't see Terri leaving her bow behind as a "mistake". "Nothin," she said softly. She had always felt slightly shy around Spy for some odd reason. In the first two weeks she had known him, she had treated him with a sense of scorn. Then again, she mainly treated everyone like that. Then Spy had somehow gotten to her and she felt a certain fondness for him.

Spy flicked open his revolver, checking the chambers. All bullets accounted for. He flicked the cylinder back in place and holstered it. "Let's wake up the others," he suggested. Terri looked down at Jean's still unbuttoned shirt. "You sure you look presentable enough?" she asked with a smug grin on her face. He looked down at his shirt. "You have a point." He said smiling. He put his tie on and buttoned up his shirt. "Better?" he asked.

Terri smiled. "Definitely," she purred. She headed down the hallway, stringing her Huntsman over her shoulder as she went, and banged on the Medic's office door. "Hey Medic!" she shouted through the door. "... Ja?" Medic sounded particularly tired. Well, Terri had witnessed him down 3 whole bottles of Scumpy while slurring in German last night. "Doc! Come on, get up!" Terri shouted, banging on the door.

Terri heard the shuffle of feet from inside the office. "Geben Sie mir eine Minute, Fräulein Sniper," Medic grumbled. Terri grinned. "Ich zähle!" she shouted back in German.

Spy smiled. He knew most European languages. Mainly German, Italian, Spanish, and French. He knocked on Heavy's door. "Get up Heavy!" he called. "Go away." The Heavy said, sleep dragging his voice. It sounded like he was right up against the door. Spy turned the knob and pushed. Sure enough, the door hit something solid. "Ow!"

Meanwhile, Terri had gone outside and granted herself entry to Sniper's van. The Australian sat on his bed, shirtless and blur-eyed as Terri flung him his shirt, hat and glasses and yanked him off his bed.

"You just wait Spy!" Heavy roared. Spy cloaked and moved away instinctively. An angry Heavy was not good.

Once Terri was convinced Sniper was going to get out of his van in the next five minutes, she headed back into the base and went to look for Demo. The black Scot was still passed out in his room, even though Terri had slammed her fist on the door and was about to hurl a chair at it. "What happened to going to find Scout?" she yelled.

The door behind her opened and Heavy stumbled out. Spy was walking slowly away, still cloaked. "Where you at Spy?" Heavy asked, rubbing his eyes. "FemSniper, you see Spy?" he asked. Terri paused. "Er... nope," she lied.

Terri slammed a chair at Demo's door. "God dammit. Whatever. If he's late that's his problem, not mine," the FemSniper grumbled before dragging the chair back to the main room. Spy had slinked away to where Terri was, "You're being awfully loud," he said, still cloaked. Terri shrieked and jumped into the air, landing on the floor with her Huntsman drawn and ready to fire. "Don't... ever... do that," she snarled.

Spy didn't laugh or even smile. He just uncloaked and put his hand down towards her. He cleared his throat and said," I am sorry." Terri took in a deep breath and slung her Huntsman over her shoulder. She accepted his hand. "It's cool. I just... I'm quite easily scared," she said, looking away. She played with her ponytail. "So I saw. I tend to do that a lot though," he said. Terri smiled. "Not your fault," she purred. Terri sighed. "I'm gonna go find Scout," she said, passing Spy and heading down the hallway to find their runner. Spy nodded and watched her go.

Sniper stood leaning against the hallway. He cleared his throat and tipped his hat at Spy when he got the Frenchman's attention. "Well, spook. Ya got a girlfriend?" he asked, a slight smirk on his face. Spy scowled. "She's just a co-worker I get along with better, bushman."


	2. Chapter 2: Then it all goes up in flames

The battle field exploded with a rage wilder than a lion with fleas jumping all over it. Rockets and bullets and arrows soared through the air, randomly hitting places, items or people in the arena. RED was pushing back, BLU was starting to retreat.

Soldier charged straight into battle with his rocket launcher armed and ready to go. "SCREAMING EAGLES!" he yelled as a rocket left it's launcher and spiralled straight into the crowd of BLUs pushing the cart. For some odd reason, the bomb cart never exploded no matter how many bullets and rockets hit it, but it blew up as soon as it reached the final point.

Sniper was perched up in his nest, scope to his eye, finger on the trigger. His rifle felt slick and cool in his hands, comfortable to hold. He felt safe like this. Where he knew what was what and who he was supposed to shoot. His crosshairs followed a BLU Pyro, lock on his head. Once he was sure about the shot, he pulled back the trigger in a swift movement, pulling back his hand to load the next bullet into it's chamber. The Pyro fell to the ground, a hole through it's head. Sniper grinned maliciously as he tracked down his next prey.

Pyro laughed maniacally as he lit the Engineer and his worthless toys ablaze. The sentry beeped in distress as the heat melted its core. The Engineer screamed his pain and tried to shoot at Pyro, who just brought his torrent of fire closer. He burned the BLU Engineer till the screams died away and nothing was left of him except what could have been mistaken for a piece of coal.

Scout leapt over rocks and stones, his feet taking him to the main area of the fight. "Hey dumbass, next time use two eyes, ya drunk bastard!" he taunted as the BLU Demoman went down with 8 bullets holes that came from a smoking scattergun. Scout pulled out his bat as he eyed the BLU Scout. "This map ain't big enough for the two of us…" he growled as he advanced on his BLU counterpart.

Medic and Heavy had left the base. "Ready Doktor?" Heavy asked as he checked his Minigun. Medic gave an insane grin, one that Heavy had seen every time Medic was ready with an übercharge. "Ready!" Heavy leapt out of hiding and spun his mini gun, and right as the first bullet shot out of the spinning barrel, Medic activated the charge, rendering him and his Russian friend bulletproof and probably insane.

Demoman downed his bottle of Scumpy on hand before hurling the bottle aside. "Oh… you want some of this?" he roared as he let loose his little self exploding grenades, followed by a whole bunch of stickies on the wall outside the BLU base. As soon as their Sniper stepped out of the base, he blew right up, the stickies taking bits of the wall with the Sniper too. Demo laughed maniacally as he reloaded his Stickybomb launcher.

Engineer had set himself up a nice fortress of sentries and dispensers had been placed all over the map for easy RED use. As soon as the BLU Soldier ran by, he went down with bullets riddled through him. "And ya dare call yerself an American Soldier, son," the Texan tutted, shaking his head as he slammed his wrench down on the new sentry he was building up.

And Spy? Spy was disguised as an Engineer, standing right behind the BLU Heavy and pretending to push the cart along. He raised his butterfly knife behind the BLU Russian, grinning, before he slammed it down into the Heavy's back. As soon as he did that, his disguise was gone. The Demoman who had been behind him instantly screeched and drew his broken bottle of Scumpy and charged, slamming it down on Spy. In the split second Spy had to make a move, he drew his Dead Ringer and activated it, allowing him to cloak as the pocket watch-cloaking device dropped a fake corpse and he made his get away.

His head hurt from the damn bottle. Once he was safe, he uncloaked himself and went to find Medic or one of Engineer's dispensers. "Medic!" he called, rubbing his head. Medic for some reason had heard the call from halfway across the battle field and left Heavy, who had gone to find more ammo to stock up his gun.

"Ja Herr Spy?" Spy was seated up against a rock in some secluded corner. His head hurt terribly. "That drunken one-eyed cyclops is going to get it from me," he mumbled. Medic didn't even bother to ask what the hell happened to the messed up Spy. He just activated his Medigun and faced it towards Spy.

In a couple of minutes Spy got up. "Thank you Doctor," he said, before pulling out his revolver. He disappeared into thin air, leaving Medic to return to Heavy. Spy growled silently as he spotted the BLU Demo again, pushing the cart.

"Then the bloody Spy just uncloaked right before me eyes boyo, got him good on the head," BLU Demo boasted. Spy had uncloaked and disguised himself as a Scout and stood behind Demo, a look of vengeance in his eyes. In one hand he held his revolver, in the other his knife. He raised his knife to Demo's back and stabbed the Scot, then shot the Heavy in the head in one swift move. As the two screamed their life away, Spy cloaked and made a run for it up to Sniper.

When Sniper heard footsteps coming up, he dropped his rifle by his feet and drew his kukri, anticipating a BLU, only to be surprised when the RED Spy came up. "Spy…" he said curiously. He and Spy never exactly got along well, so the Spy coming up to see him was quite a shock. Then he realised something. What if this Spy was a BLU disguised? He took up a defensive stance, growling. Spy rolled his eyes. "Now I see why we don't get along, bushman," he sighed. Sniper accepted this. Only RED Spy called him bushman. BLU Spy just let out a long string of French expletives when Sniper was around.

"Sorry spook," Sniper said, returning to his position with his rifle scope up to his eye. "Whaddya want, ya snake?" he asked while firing a shot. The BLU Medic went down, his fat Russian friend yelling. Spy sat down by the crates. "Not much, bushman. I need to get away from all…. that," the Frenchman said, pointing at the carnage down below.

Sniper sighed. "Oi suppose Oi can agree with ya on that. This whole killing thing… kinda fun but, gets boring after awhile huh?" he asked. Spy nodded silently, when a bullet from below whizzed past his shoulder, barely missing him by an inch. Instantly the Spy scrambled and cloaked, shifting himself further behind the crates where he couldn't be seen and uncloaked.

"Sorry about that spook," he said, firing a bullet at the Scout who had shot up at him. "Take that ya bloody pikers!" he yelled down. Spy glanced at him. "I thought Snipers were meant to be stealthy and stay hidden?" he asked. Sniper smiled. "Nawh mate, that's your job."

The battle had lasted longer than expected, leaving RED victorious again. BLU had admittedly put up a good fight but not good enough to overthrow RED. Spy dragged his feet back to the base where his team was celebrating. He leaned against the doorframe and watched his teammates.


	3. Chapter 3: Mann vs Machine

Sniper ran. He feet pushed himself forward and he forced his legs to move faster than he was capable of. His body was in an adrenaline rush as he tried to outrun the looming grey robots charging for him.

"Bloody hell," he hissed as he leapt over a fence. His rifle was practically useless in this situation and his kukri had been destroyed by a sentry buster that had blown up the sentry and the Engineer who hadn't run fast and far enough. Soldier had gone down in flames from a Pyrobot and Demo had gotten himself killed from a Giant Charged Soldierbot and its, well, giant charged launcher.

Heavy was somewhere near the gates, bullet ridden and long dead. Respawn didn't bring any dead ones back here, instead, it took them back to Teufort and they could not return to the fight against Grey Machine's robots. Either the bomb would explode, every mercenary died from the battle field or they managed to wipe out the wave of robots.

Sniper ran past the Spy's body and grabbed his Dead Ringer. This Spy was sure as hell dead, if not the Dead Ringer wouldn't have been lying on the ground next to the body, open and ready to use. Sniper had no idea how this pocket watch worked, so he decided against using it.

He caught up with Medic, who was fighting off a horde of Scoutbots. "Medic, let's get out of here," he growled, grabbing the German and making a run for it. From behind, two Saharan Snipers followed with their blades drawn. One of them slashed at Sniper, catching him on the shoulder. Sniper yelled and ran faster, one hand reaching back to stop the flow of blood. Two bullets caught him in the side and he stumbled, before Medic grabbed him and yanked him along.

Once they were in a generally safe area where the robots could not reach due to their lousy jumping skills, Sniper slumped against the wall of the shack as Medic slammed the door shut and locked it. "Ve should be safe here for zhe moment," he growled, turning back to Sniper who looked ready to pass out.

He crouched by the marksman and pulled his hand away from the bullet wounds. Sniper's limp hand dropped by his side and his head drooped. "Gottfluch es," Medic snarled as he realised Sniper had passed out. The Australian's chest barely rose and fell and Medic knew the urgency of the situation. A small pool of blood was forming on the floor where it dripped out from the Sniper's shoulder and waist at an alarming rate, surely draining the life out of the Australian marksman.

Medic turned and grabbed his Medigun, stepping back to make space for it. He activated the Medigun, letting it's healing fumes wash over Sniper. Slowly, the wounds closed over and the skin reformed itself, and Sniper blinked open his weary eyes.

"Sie Idiot, Herr Sniper," Medic said, tapping Sniper's face to wake him up faster. Sniper grumbled and pushed himself into a sitting position. "Piss off," he growled. From outside, a few pings hit the door. "Medic? I think we got a problem on our hands," he said, backing off from the door was a few more bullets drilled themselves into the door and it slammed open to reveal a very angry horde of robots.


End file.
